Sunday, March 20, 2011

A New Kind of Fight

           During her eight-hour travel, she could not help but keep thinking of his words.  A question he asked to which she very

well knew the answer but decided to rather give a more general than the true answer.  But now she wonders, where does her

faith lie?  Can she even truly answer that question anymore?  He has triggered a series of thoughts and a brief return to

her own past.  She started to question if her true answer to his question was just formed by anger at the time.  For

seventeen years she has not questioned, nor challenged her “answer” until the day he asked the question.  This question

shouldn’t even phase her.  It should not touch her in a way it did.  It never did before.  Her answer was the perfect answer…  at

least that is what she thought until he came along.

How is it, that one simple question can shake her entire belief?  Although the general answer she gave him has not changed

at all, the true answer seems to be on shaky grounds now, with repeated aftershocks.  She is trying to tell herself that the

answer is still the answer and to not pay attention to the falling pillars on which her answer stood.  Somehow, he keeps

finding his way into her head, creating yet another tremble.

What is the purpose of his question anyway, she wonders.  What does it matter if one person does not want to go there, even

though, her reason for not wanting to go the "path of faith", whatever that may be, is created for the wrong reason?  She had

tried to make sense of it, bring logic into the game, but the pieces are falling and she tries to stand them back up, but

they won’t hold.  One question, one simple question met by what she thought was a simple answer, while holding back the

truth.  And why is she not willing to openly argue her true reason for avoiding the first step?  Why can’t she just sit and

listen to his reason?  Why won’t she allow his words to just reach her?  Instead she puts on the gloves, ready to resist… 

but why?

All was well in her world before he stepped into it with that question.  All was perfect the way it was.  She was successful

in staying objective, while keeping her own reason as a watch-dog at the front gate.  There was just no way that she will

ever believe differently.  Nobody, no matter who would try, can persuade her otherwise.  She would not give anyone the chance

to come up with any plausible explanation to excuse what happened.  There just couldn’t be a right explanation and she would

never be able to feel forgiveness.  There is no such path of faith.  There is only the betrayal.

If that’s truly so, then why is his question still in her head?  Why does it linger?  Why won't he leave?  Why can't she push him

away?  Why won’t this question leave her alone and allow her to get back to where she knew her belief is.  After all, her belief was

strong and could not be questioned…  why did he have to ask that question?   She is fighting to hold on to her true answer…

but …


  1. He seems to have asked you something that you wanted to pursue yourself, he just tapped into that curiosity with an added benefit of timing perhaps. I never really broached the subject because you seemed so steadfast in your convictions. I do confess in not being friend enough to not at least finding the origins of these strong feelings that you have.

    I wish you peace and fulfillment on this journey, wherever it may lead. I will take your hand and be happy to go with you wherever it leads. There is a peace, a joy, a deep comfort available to you and it comes not so much in wrestling with yourself, but in accepting that there is something much bigger than you, and that something has great plans and awesome hopes for you. Take care, and God bless :)

  2. My dearest Tom... I do like to tap into your wisdom. He has asked something which I don't think I was pursuing myself in any way. There is no need really to get into why I have my convictions.. just that I do and I don't want to change them... then i would just give in. Would I not? ~sigh

  3. Perhaps you are not pursuing your maker. Perhaps He is pusuing you. Someone who is interested in learning and understanding MUST be willing to learn and understand God and eternal things. You have a built-in moral compass and character that He has given you. I say... talk with your new friend. Be open about this subject.

  4. Dear Anonymous... I am interested in learning, and I am willing to open my mind just a bit more, but I am not willing to just give in. I want to understand... i soooo want to understand...

  5. Not that I would ever tell you what to do, think or feel... but as much as you are willing to open your mind, open your heart as well, turn all the filters off, and see what you discover. Fear nothing and have your objective be peace, and understanding... Huge hugs

  6. What do you fear more, the question or the answer?

  7. Well, I didn't think I was "fearing" anything... I should have feared the answer though...


What say you?