Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I had every intention to take you all to the lake today, however, the weather is not in favor of us going as it is pouring down for hours now and the friendly weather frogs aren't going to climb that lovely ladder today.  So I am left here at my kitchen table, starring out of the window, watching the rain pounding against my window and the wind bending every limb on our trees.  The clouds are dark and of fast movement to make room for just another dark cloud ready to dump another inch on us.

It's funny, this thing we call life, isn't it?  Nothing can stop it.  It goes on whether we want it to or not.  We are forced to take on each day and take the consequences either with acceptance or disagreement, but we have to take one way or the other, whether we want to or not.  We are forced to take on everything it tosses at us.  Even when our life comes to an end.. we surely don't make that decision, do we?  At least most of us aren't making that call to end our life.  As my step-dad is laying in the ICU after finally receiving a much needed kidney transplant, we all find ourselves overwhelmed with happiness.  Even though we all know that this is not the final end of the story.  As of now, we are still waiting for that kidney to kick into gear and work as it should.  We celebrated the fact that there is a kidney for him, then we celebrated the fact that he survived the operation.  Now we are waiting for a few more celebrations to come in his journey.

This can go all kinds of different ways.  And although I wish to ignore the many possible outcomes for this I can't help but think of how ironic "life" really is.  You may disagree with me all you want, but a lot of the things we do, things we buy, things we declare as necessities, things we believe to be of importance... when facing the end, all this seems to be so silly, such a waste of time, so sad, really.  For instance, Wearing jewelry...  what does that do to your life when wearing expensive diamonds on your fingers?  Does that really do anything other then boost your ego?  Inviting your friends to a big and breathtaking house... what does that do to your life?  again, only boosting your ego?  driving up to the office in an expensive car that serves no purpose whatsoever, what does that do to your life?  boosting the ego once again?  And when you face your last day on this planet, do you think this all will still be of same importance? (And I know I am being hypocritical here!)  How about people...  we all meet people.. every day we stand before new faces and make a "conscious" decision.  Do we engage that person?  Two answers.. yes or no.  You make that decision based on what you see or based on your circumstances.  We meet a person and within a blink of an eye we categorize them as friend, crush, lover, enemy, stupid, ignorant etc., sometimes we even give it two blinks before creating the label.  Why?  When you face the last day of your life, did it really matter? What if you gave the person the wrong label and perhaps missed out on love, missed out on a great friendship?  Just simply missed out on anything? But then again, we sometimes hang on to the wrong people, the wrong opportunities, suffer the pain they inflict on us.  Sometimes we finally let go and pick up the pieces and sometimes we just keep enduring the mental lashes without really knowing why or making excuses to explain the why.  But sometimes, we even let the good people or opportunities slip away from us and later wish we would not have done so, accompanied by pain of the self inflicted lashes.  Why?

Continuation of a life is out of our hands. We can take steps to give us the possibility of a long life, but no matter what steps we take, how much we exercise, how many vitamins we swallow, how much broccoli we eat... it's still not a guarantee.  He is laying in bed hooked to  machines that hopefully help to give him more years to his already spent life.  And those machines better do the job so he can walk the paths of life along side with us for quite some time to come.  I wonder if his "living" will change.  If he will put different priorities up.  Or will he live his life as he did before?  When I am faced with my last day here on earth, I "hope" I can look back and say that there is no question left unanswered, there is no feeling left un-felt, there is not a piece of curiosity unexplored, there is not a feeling of love that got lost, there is not a person left out there I should have met, there is not an unfulfilled dream waiting to be realized, there is not a person wondering what he/she meant to me, that I meant something to someone, or that something I did meant something to someone...  If I were to die tomorrow, and I look back today, then I surely have failed for I need to meet more people, learn so much more, explore, love, feel, realize more dreams...

Whenever I drive by a cemetery and see a blue tent up, I always tell myself, "hopefully, he/she could leave this earth a happy person with nothing unanswered, nothing un-experienced, nothing un-felt and always remembered".


  1. OK... I hear you... I hear you... maybe not the verbal spanking you intended, and maybe this is not even for me, as I know so much of your attention is focused on Detlef, but you write so wonderfully, so clearly, with so much passion, that nearly everyone can read your words and take something away from it. I know of what you speak, and I, too, ponder end of life issues, and know that this life is the one chance that we get. I have no regrets, but you may disagree... I have met you, so in some ways my life is complete. I am not waiting for someone else to complete me, but I do feel that yearning to be more than what I am, and what that addition could mean in so many ways.

    Best wishes to you always, and to your family at this time... may you be a source of strength and encouragement to your mother and her husband, as they face this very serious crisis with his health. Huge hugs and kisses. Spanking accepted, and thank you.

    Now, for once, I understand it all... Finally

  2. For some reason I was awashed with a sense of jubilation reading this. Don't get me wrong, I read and feel the wistful undercurrents but it's just that too few people recognize materiality for what it really is! Too few people realize that in the pursuit of these worldly notions of money, status and accolade many principles are sacrificed, many even tread the murky waters of unethical meanderings. It's some kind of trade off, you know: immorality for immortality.
    And if you were to quantify the amount of unhappiness, disappointment and disatisfaction everyone actual feels and experiences along the way, even standard form (ie multiplication by ten to the power of an integer) cannot express just how much it(they) amount to!! And like you've pointed out, what does materialism really tentamount to in the end? Nada. But does that mean materialism should be completely foregone? I don't believe so. Life is after all a gift, it should be led courageously and well. I believe in striking a balance between materialism and spirituality, and not forsaking one for the other. In fact, that is what The Aga Khan tells us too.
    Strike a balance, there's nothing wrong in the pursuit of material goods and wealth so long as you do so within the ethics of faith and humanity (after all who can deny that these do give us a semblance of happiness, and moreover happiness is a gift from God too). However also, it is better done to use the wealth and power acquired to assist the less fortunate (that does not necessarily mean do simply give them what they require to maintain a decent standard of living but rather to help them help themselves, fend for themselves). And simultaneously practising your faith (pple tend to separate religion and spirituality, I don't but that's ok - each one to his own) because that's what really counts in the end - your deeds, your thoughts, your actions, your intentions

    lol I've gone all preacher mode on you. Sorry for the rambling but you exceptionally well expressed blog inspired me to speak out.

    ps: praying 4 ur stepdad, hopefully he'll be up and abt in no time!

  3. Tom.. LOL... no, actually I didn't write that for you... I wrote that because Detlef's situation made me think and I saw an add for something material and quite expensive... that's how my thoughts came to play. But I am sure glad that my words fit you and whatever it was that made you say "Now, for once, I understand it all... Finally".. I am glad I said it and will watch what you do now ;-)

    Kay... wow, I can't even start to describe how happy I am that you read my blog. I am soooo happy to not have lost you in the termoil of.. oh let's not get into it.... so my blog... You did see how I mentioned me being hypocritical, yes? don't get me wrong.. i do enjoy material things... and you know, currently I am driving my friends BMW Z4 as my own car is getting fixed and i fell in love with that little thing... it fits me perfectly.. put the top down and i don't ever want to leave... Now I want one myself... What I was trying to say was more in a general picture... Kind of like this global economy thing... People bought more than they could afford in reality and now find themselves perhaps even homeless. They needed to have the huge house, the huge car, the gigantic LCD screen tv... it was all a must have... often, in order to achieve all of that perhaps both parents had to work and children had to be taken care of by others... instead of growing as a family, enjoying each other, the need for all that "stuff" has become greater than the joy of what "life" has to offer... there are so many other things that were dancing around in my head.. but you get picture. I am not saying that material things are a bad thing.. i am not saying that "to want" is a bad quality in a person... okay.. i am starting to ramble on my own blog now.. usually i do that only on other .. time to stop typing.. I know you know what I was saying ;-)... And Kay.. thank you for your prayers.. they are sooo much appreciated and i will definitely pass them on ;-)

  4. I'm very glad to hear about your step father Liane, angels were watching out for him.

    The rest is hard for me to comment upon. I have such varying opinions about what creates a life and what we leave behind. For each individual it is so different - those that are raised in struggling childhoods may very well feel that the material things are what defines them, those deprived of love may only care for the emotion .... and how we see them as we pass.. the importance of those things are so personal.... tough subject that.

    Good morning. :)

  5. good morning, oh beautiful Mary ;-) guess i didn't get across the feeling in which i wrote my blog... ~sigh. Care for a coffee? ;-)

  6. I know that it wasn't written for me, but there is a law of unintended consequences... I look at this like a billboard with lettering six feet high, with a message that I needed to hear. I wish I could've learned it much, much sooner, and in a more direct fashion. It's ok, embarassment and stupidity are my default settings, but the repercussions are softened somewhat by a thick skull, which encases a brain of incredible fog... Time for this one to invoke the wizard...

  7. About mortality?

    I wrote that pretty early.... I guess I was just thinking about that a lot lately... what's important... what's not.. why... I'd ramble forever and never to to my point I'm afraid..

    and... yes, I would love coffe and time with you. :)

  8. Tom, Tom, Tom... what to say... what to say? ;-)

    Mary... i ramble way too much, I'm afraid!!! oh, coffee with you would be lovely. when can you be here? ;-)

  9. (and Tom... you still haven't educated me on what it is that you finally understand?? ;-) )

  10. life... it stops for no one does it? So complicated at times and frustrating... but then for myself, i know i make it that way much for myself.. needing everything to make sense.. perfection..when indeed i should just stop and smell the roses and take it as it comes... i am learning along the way...that it is not the detination but the journey taking us there... as you Liane.. so much i want to experience and see.. people i have yet to meet... so many questions unanswered and things left unsaid...i know for one i think wayyyy too and am my very own worst critic... You hit deep with these thoughts girl..we take much for granted... even each other or relationships when we get *comfortable* with life.. then sometimes it just never is the same, sighs... bravo.... Hugs to a peaceful and serene evening granting many blessings my friend @};-

  11. Coleen... I sooo love to read your comments... they always make me look back at what I've sad and spend a few more thoughts on them... I raise my glass (actually, my coffee cup) to you... how about a virtual hug, a kiss and some snuggling perhaps?

  12. Education is a lifelong pursuit with me... I just expressed some consternation at having to learn the same things over and over... and not "getting" important lessons when they are repeatedly smacking me in the face... I know that I am a guy and all... but, sheesh... I brought a new dimension to slow witted.

  13. And always, that link to me and cemeteries... I guess I will take that to my grave...


What say you?